It Doesn't Have To Be So Hard

The secrets to finding and keeping intemacy
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5.0 out of 5 starsReally clever thoughtful insights into relationships and why they get tricky after the first flush wanes

I loved this book. It is full of anecdote then analysis. Familiar stories of frustration or disappointment in relationships are shared but then with a therapists wisdom you learn a new way of thinking about those moments ….. A more constructive way…a more truthful way I suspect .

The book is beautifully written, and despite seeming pretty dense , and a serious title, I thought, when I bought it, it actually reads very quickly is full of humour and optimism…

It is much cheaper than psychotherapy….and much safer …. considering it is about other peoples stories after all and if you by the paper copy can be read in the bath…where all good books should be read.

I highly recommend this one

Miriam Levy

  • Why do some of us find it so hard to find ‘the right’ person?
  • Why does romance sometimes sour into incompatibility?
  • Are men really frightened by intimacy?
  • Why don’t women understand that sex is intimacy?
  • Is staying in an unhappy relationship better than being alone?
  • How do we keep passion and intimacy alive with the same person over time?
  • How can jealousy be used constructively in our relationships?
  • Does an ‘affair’ signal the death of intimacy?
  • Why is a bit of conflict good and necessary to keep passion alive?
  • Why do some of us get trapped in repeating the same destructive patterns in relationships?
  • Why do some of us desire unavailable or destructive lovers, and get turned off by ‘nice’ people?

In It Doesn’t Have to Be So Hard Joanne Fedler and Graeme Friedman, age-old platonic friends team up to tackle the toughest of questions around intimacy, through the insights of modern psychology and Eastern philosophy.

You’ll meet Steph and Daniel who first saw each other across a grocery store. A stunning beach wedding followed their two year romance. Fifteen years and two children later, though their marriage seems enviable from the outside, they’re both dying from intimacy starvation on the inside. If Daniel doesn’t get sex soon… there’s no telling what he’ll do.

Steph’s cousin Erin, who eight months ago told her cheating boyfriend Gus to get out of her life, meets Mitch in a crowded bar and soon, they’re inseparable. They move in together after a few months and plan their future together. What could possibly go wrong?

Erin’s brother Rob and his partner Tariq have been happily together for four years but they keep getting stuck on the same issue Tariq just won’t let go of, and Rob’s getting tired of it. Mitch’s friend Tom has been married to Phoebe for a fight-free six years. But Tom can’t get it up anymore and Phoebe’s realizing you can’t have a meaningful relationship with your vibrator. Erin’s gregarious friend Tara is looking for Mr Right in all the wrong places, including Antonio, who’s only interested in one night stands.

As we follow their heartache and challenges, lifting the veils and examining their lives, we reveal why people struggle to find and keep intimacy and offer new ways of thinking about how to keep a relationship alive. Through the interlocking stories of recognizable characters (based on real people), we examine how childhood scars, infidelity, fear of commitment, jealousy, impotence, and affairs play themselves out in intimate relationships as we uncover the deeper problems we all experience in our pursuit for love such as:

  • how our parents relationship/s affect not only our ability to be in one, but shape us as people;
  • the deeper meanings behind the small petty things;
  • what happens when familiarity kills eroticism, love goes stale and boredom kicks in;
  • why healthy intimacy relies on boundaries;
  • what happens when couples reach gridlock;
  • when it’s time to part ways.

Through these engaging and all too familiar stories, this book will help you understand your own relationship issues, change the way you see yourself, and guide you to navigating a path to long-term love. Once you know the secrets to finding and keeping intimacy, it doesn’t have to be so hard.

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